Lil Wayne in Big trouble
Hey, holiday blues got you down? Don’t you just hate this time of the year when every one is telling you Merry Christmas, but all you want to do say back to them is “go take a hike” or “I’m Jewish!” I’m not particularly depressed, and I’m also not particularly Jewish, but I still feel your pain. Why? I write a gossip column for a living. I gamble on sports sporadically just to make a good name for myself, but all and all, this is how I pay the bills (and for countless Steak dinners).
But it could always be worse. For instance, you could be one of the detainees of Guantanomo bay being transferred to a supermax Illinois penitentiary. Executive Order 13492 declared Quantonomo bay closed. A great idea, except for the small problem of where to put the two hundred and fifty or so detainees. In the grand tradition of politicians and their home town cooking, it looks like President Obama is shipping the prisoners to Chicago. From the warm sun of scenic Cuba, to the artsy-fartsy chill of Chicago’s winter air.
Hey it could be worse…
I’m losing my focus…it is worse.
Your Daily Drama for December 16, 2009.
Helping us get off to a miserable start is news on Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael Lohan. You remember Lindsay Lohan, right? She’s the girl that did that one movie about shopping, that got released to DVD. Oh, and there was that other one about guys and dating, that went to DVD, too. God, she’s great.
Michael was arrested for caling an estranged girlfriend in New York. In June, a judge said Michael Lohan would avoid prosecution on a misdemeanor charge of aggravated harassment if he stayed out of trouble for a year.
Well, he didn’t.
I’m sure Lindsay’s dad couldn’t be more proud of his daughter. How do you know when you’ve made it as a parent: when you’re no longer recognized by your own name, but rather, just as a reference to your own daughter. What Marsha is to Jan, Lindsay is to her old man. The only difference being Marsha didn’t have a flawed bone in her body, while Lindsay doesn’t have a body to go with her bones (too soon?).
Speaking of arrests and just overall petty crime, Lil Wayne will head to jail in February—so plan your lives accordingly.
“But Paul, why is Lil Wayne going to jail?”
I’m glad you asked, friend and fellow gossip enthusiast; he plead guilty in October to attempted criminal possession of a weapon. The charge stemmed from a 2007 traffic stop of his 
tour bus. The plea deal calls for him to serve one year in jail.
T-pain was distraught upon hearing the news. For those finding themselves also in mourning, fret not, Lil Wayne will release his newest album “Rebirth” on Februaary 1, 2010, the day before he goes to jail.
Rebirth? That might be a little auspicious. How about “I’ll never fu** up again, I promise!”
Wasn’t that R. Kelly’s last album, though?
In some news that actually provides some utility for the world, Comcast announced that it is getting closer to offering cable TV via the internet.
“It’s a good experience, and it’s an experience that’s only going to get better with time,” says Comcast Interactive Media President Amy Banse. The service, called Fancast Xfinity TV, begins with cable channels including A&E, BET, C-SPAN, Discovery, HBO and TNT, and broadcast networks CBS and Univision.
The concept is being developed for mobile devices as well and is being dubbed “TV everywhere.” Currently, we only have “music all over the place.” so this would be another step towards blocking any aspect of the outside world from people’s everyday activities.
Bottoms up.
