NeedADate, the first guy I decided to respond to on the dating website I’ve recently joined, seems nice but so far nothing to write home about. The rest of the guys continue to flood my inbox with little gems like:

“How are you??????????My name is Radek!!” (Wow, Radek is enthusiastic!!!!!!!)

“My name is Steve. I first wanted to say that your eyes are gorgeous. But what’s truly important to me though is what’s in the heart.” (Awwww…..and by that I mean BARF)

“I promise you that you won’t be disappointed with my attitude and maybe my looks too.” (Oy)

and my personal favorite:

“Do you know Jack Black? Can you get his contact info? You seem to have connections…”

Wow. Ok, maybe my bad luck has something to do with the fact that the website I’m on is actually free. Which means that the people on it are a) broke, b) extremely frugal or c) broke. I’m going with A and C.

The whole reason I decided to try this particular site was because I know three couples that met on it, two of which are now happily married. I also like the idea of screening people before meeting them. If I can look at someone’s profile and see instantly that their idea of a great time is going to the shooting range, I can instantly move on to someone more my style. If we met in real life, however, I may not find out about his trigger finger until we’ve been dating for six months and I’m already emotionally involved.

Internet dating breaks all the rules about the way I believe the universe works. When you want something, you actually push it away from you. Ever notice how you’ll be really into someone, and the second you get over them that’s when they decide to ask you out? Or how, if you go in for a job interview and honestly don’t care, you’ll totally land the gig? The very act of creating a profile and actively pursuing a relationship should be recipe for disaster. It always happens when you’re not looking, right? Well, you couldn’t possibly be looking any harder than you do when you’re trolling the interwebs for the love of your life.

I’m off to enjoy my many Hollywood connections and do lunch with Jack Black…(hmm, wonder if he is single these days?)