It was bound to happen eventually. And by that I mean sooner than later. I am officially pissed off at one of the dudes who wrote to me. If you’re just joining my fabulous experiment, I have taken it upon myself to find love in La La Land by joining the world of intrigue and romance that is internet dating. On this particular site, when making your profile, you have three options when it comes to children. You can check 1. I don’t want children. 2. Open/undecided. 3. I want children.

Seems pretty cut and dry, doesn’t it? Well, that’s what I thought. Until I started getting snarky, patronizing comments about the option I’ve chosen.

So I don’t want kids. I don’t. And because I don’t, I checked #1 on my profile. I would think the story would end there, but I would be wrong. Apparently, it is some kind of anomaly for a woman to not want children. I can’t imagine that there are any guys out there getting the same kind of slack I’ve been getting for not wanting to change diapers. I’ve gotten messages asking me to explain myself (excuse me?!), messages insisting I’ll change my mind, and messages from men who DO want kids asking me out.

I am flabbergasted! FIRST of all, if I say I don’t want kids, it means I DON’T WANT KIDS. Period. Secondly, what kind of person presumes to know someone better than they know themselves…..especially when we’ve never met? Third, my reasons for not wanting kids are MY. REASONS. And these reasons don’t make me a bad person! Apparently I found the only 1950s dating website on the internet. Fourth (oh yeah, there’s a fourth), it is soooo condescending, patronizing, and insulting for someone to write and say “Oh, c’mon. You’ll change your mind.” Grrrrr! Do I write to you and say “Oh, c’mon now. You don’t really want children. I’m sure you’ll change your mind.”

Of course I don’t. Why? Because I realize that people tend to mean what they say, especially when it comes to the big stuff like having babies. And for the baby-hungry masses who write me in spite of my status: what are you thinking? That you’re going to change my mind? It’s like these guys are saying “Ok, I know you don’t want kids, but you haven’t met me yet.” Gross!

Now don’t get me wrong. Babies are great. Kids rock. And God bless the rest of the world for having ‘em. But I also like monkeys, and roller derby, and wearing ridiculous eye shadow colors. But I would never make a lifetime commitment to them! I refuse to apologize for a personal decision that is only being questioned because I’m a chick!

Here is what I have added to my profile to ward off the baby makers:

Disclaimer: I don’t really understand why this needs clarifying, but apparently it does, so I’ll do my best.

What I mean when I say “I don’t want children” is this: I don’t want children.

What I do NOT mean when I say “I don’t want children” includes but is not limited to:

“I actually do want children, I just wrote that to seem more interesting.”
“I want children, but not right now.”
“I don’t want children, but YOU may be the one to make me change my mind.”

I don’t really know why a woman not wanting kids is such a shocker. Writing and saying “you’ll change your mind” is pretty patronizing.

I’m worried this is going to make me sound mean. I guess we’ll see….