Well, it’s the day before thanksgiving. The time of year that’s rife with stuffing, turkey, and terrible football.  I apologize if this entertainment update interferes with your private time, making the cranberry sauce with Aunt Wendy, or talking x’s and o’s with Uncle Bobbo. But, the show must go on.

I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a pretty slow news day. Maybe this is a sign that the world is finally getting back to normal, and our priority has shifted from following the lives of celebrities to making delicious pies and savory meat dishes. One can only hope.

Here’s your daily drama for Wednesday November 25, 2009.

We start in the land of washed-up celebrities. Donny Osmond is the newest champion of Dancing with the stars. He did it! After winning the final decision, he rushed into the audience, grabbed his wife and carried her across the stage, for an encore performance. The judges were even more impressed by the fireman’s carry and said it had the energy of a Dingo, but still maintained a discipline of a dog in training.

Not to be left out of the discussion was first runner up, Mya, who, when all was said and done, was just happy to be there. The 30-year-old singer is most famous for collaborating on the Grammy-winning hit “Lady Marmalade” from the soundtrack of 2001’s Moulin Rouge! Seeing as that was close to a decade ago, she’s just glad she got the opportunity to be back in the spotlight, and working a job in a temperature controlled building.

The first of the three finalists eliminated was Kelly Osbourne. With her family looking on from the audience, she thanked all of them for allowing her to “grow so much.” The judges thanked her as well, and said that she had the “grace of a swan.” Ozzy sat dumbfounded, still expecting to see the funky chicken.

Papa don’t preach…

What’s the going rate for a get out of jail card these days? It costs Roman Polanski 4.5 millions bucks. The Swiss Court originally rejected a bail proposal from the filmmaker, but oddly enough changed their mind when a bag of francs landed on their desk. There’s a catch though: he will still be under house arrest and monitored with constant electronic surveillance. He’s no longer in time-out, but he isn’t allowed to go out and play.

“We will decide quickly on whether to order his release or file an appeal with the Federal Tribunal,” Justice Ministry spokesman Folco Galli told the AP.

Basically, now they know how much he’s willing to cough up…now it’s a matter of seeing exactly how much they can squeeze out of him. His films Chinatown, Rosemary’s Baby, and The Pianist have grossed over 87  million dollars, alone. There may still be some room to go…

Mercifully ending today’s slew of news is an update on America’s most popular celebrity: President Obama. He announced Wednesday at the White House that he would grant a pardon to the turkey that might otherwise have served as his dinner.

“I was planning to eat this sucker,” the President joked.

“Thanks to the interventions of Malia and Sasha,” he said, “Courage will be spared this terrible – and delicious – fate.”

It’s another sign of Change in Washington. Previous administrations would have just eaten the bird and lied about it, probably telling the American people that they’d eaten ham, instead. Now we have a President that we can trust to get the job done and to get it done right.

The Turkey was delivered to the White House by the National Turkey Federation, no affiliation with the Worldwide Wresting Federation. “Courage” will be going to Disneyland, where he’ll be grand marshal of tomorrow’s Thanksgiving parade. He’ll then be flown to Detroit to start at Quarterback for the Detroit Lions.

Gobble. Gobble.